Communication let me down.....

They say that good communication is the foundation of a well-balanced family…..

“Have you seen my keys?”

“It’s in the lounge somewhere.”

“It’s? It’s? Key’s aren’t It’s?”

“No, I’m not talking to you.”

“Oh… why? Have I done something wrong. Who are you talking to?”

“Your daughter. She was looking for the laptop bag. If you’d taken your things up to the bedroom like I told you last night, you wouldn’t have to keep looking for everything would you?”

“What, my keys?”

“Every night I tell you, but do you listen? No you don’t. Nobody listens to me. I’m obviously just an annoying voice to you aren’t I?”

“No really, I er….”

“On and on and on, I must sound like a stuck record. I suppose you think I enjoy talking to a brick wall …”

“Ummm are you still talking to me or…”

“Dad, have YOU hidden my laptop bag?”

“No, my girl, but I’m looking for my keys… have you seen them?”

“MOM! Here it is!”

“….of course I have to know where EVERYTHING is… because I’m the wife and mother… but does anyone just give me the simple grace of just listening….”

“Mom! I found it! Thank goodness…”

“Oh good, now perhaps you can help ME find the car keys…”

“That diet we were talking about yesterday mom, I found it!…. Remember I said I had it printed out somewhere … but I couldn’t remember where… well it’s here right where I thought I had left my laptop bag….”

“I think I left them on the counter here… actually I thought I’d hung them up but obviously…”

“If we boil four cabbages, with some hickory oil and Parmesan cheese, then eat nothing else for eight weeks, apparently the weight will drop ….”

“I suppose I had better get you the spares from my handbag, because you can’t seem to hang YOUR keys up. Anybody would think you were twelve…”

“Jen says it will also detox your system so it’s good for the skin too, though her mom’s face went a bit green…”

“Now where is it?…. Has anyone seen it?”

“Um… no but surely we can find the original ke….”

“We need to buy Parmesan cheese, though. That’s very important. Dad do you know how much Parmesan cheese is? And where we can get some?"

“My goodness, why does everyone insist on moving my handbag to somewhere I can’t find it? Every day is the same. I put it down and someone shifts it somewhere else. WHERE IS IT?”

“In Cape Town, you know, when I go there next year, to study, I won’t have time to … you know… to get in shape… I’ll be too busy.... studying..”

“It’s got to be here somewhere and I have to find it because it’s got the address in…”

“Address? But I know where the office is, I just need the car keys? ANYONE?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten . I can’t believe you’ve forgotten!”

“I remember Lindy said that the hickory oil is like… sixty bucks… so make sure you have money, hey, Dad, not like last time..”

“I told you how many times… and you’ve forgotten. Do you not LISTEN to me at all?”

“… cos it was so embarrassing last week when you got to the till and you forgot your card, Dad”

“How CAN you forget? Honestly, you have a mind like a sieve. I even reminded you about it last night.”

“The cheese Dad, Please don’t forget the CHEESE!”

“CAN SOMEBODY GIVE ME SOME CAR KEYS? PLEASE?”

“…and it was so important, too. Well, important for me, but OBVIOUSLY not for you. But that’s the story of my life isn’t it…?”

“Look I HAVE to get to the office – someone’s coming to see me at… where’s my watch?”

“I suppose you’re going looking like that?”

“Like what?”

“Oh my word! The dog’s done it again! Mom! Dad! The dumb dog’s done it again!”

“Like that. I don’t know, sometimes I think you WANT to embarrass me.”

“What’s it done?”

“Can’t you find a better one?”

“A pooh!”

“.....That one smells a bit miff – I think it might be damp, and it’s the wrong sort of brown… I’m sure if you look you’ll find something more suitable to wear. How about finding that navy blue one? I like you in that navy blue…”

“But where?”

“On the bathroom floor. It’s pooed on the bathroom floor. Again! What’s with that dog?”

“Well if you hung it in the cupboard like I told you, then we wouldn’t have this problem, would we? Am I the only one who hangs up clothes in this house?”

“ But I like THIS shirt – and I’m going to wear it to work. I’ve often worn it to work and no-one’s complained”

“It’s disgusting and it reeks. It makes me nauseous even LOOKING at it. Can’t we keep the dog outside? Why do WE have to be the ones with POO on the floor IN THE BATHROOM?”

“Let me at least press it a bit, then maybe it won’t be so embarrassing. Can’t you feel - it’s not properly dry yet?”

“Look I’m going to have to step on it otherwise I AM going to be late!”

“None of my friends’ dogs EVER poo inside their houses. Really it’s beyond a joke, and I’M certainly not cleaning it up!”

“You better clean up a bit before our appointment, you look like you haven’t even showered this morning! How can you go to work like that?”

“I haven’t got time. Me and my girlfriend have a hair appointment. Ugh! Please will one of you take care of it quickly before the flies come?”

“If you arrive at our appointment looking like that I am going to kick up a SERIOUS stink!”

“I am SOOO late – and I STILL haven’t got keys. Can’t you help your mom find her handbag?”

“She's disgusting! Seriously, if she carries on like this I think we should make her sleep outside. At least until she’s housetrained. Or maybe we can find her a new home? ”

“I’ve found it! It was in the bedroom all the time. Oh, here’s your keys…. Why on earth did you put them in my handbag anyway?”

“Jenny says that there’s a pill we could give her which helps. It worked for her Chrissy.... though she did start smelling a bit more than usual, and they had to keep her away from small children… because it affected her mood and she started to bite…. ”

“If you don’t hurry you’re going to be late. And if you dare forget about our appointment you’re going to get a real mouthful from me! Now….. why have you put the car keys down?”

“I’m not going to work anymore, I think I’m going to walk to the pub instead..”

“To the what?”

“Dad?”

“Yes my girl,”

“Can I come with you?”

“My girl....?"

"Yes, dad, I know, I'd be mad if I didn't!"