Ever get these phone calls?

“Good day Sir, how are you?”
“Gnnnrhhhhh?”
“My name is Unpro Noun Sybil, and I'm calling from Sumin Tan Jibell place in Hong Kong to talk to you about investments,”
“Yuh?plnnndrutyhfwwd? Wha'?”
“Have I got you at a bad time sir?”
“Huh?  Ummmm well has er….three o'clock in the morning ever been a good time?”
“Well sir, our sales team are currently speaking to key business people in your area and….”
“What did they say?”
“Er… who sir?”
“The locksmiths.  When you phoned them at three in the morning?”
“No, sir, as I say we have been speaking to key business people in your area, of which you have been identified as one, and we…”
“Who identified me?”
“I'm not sure I follow you sir?”
“Who identified me as a key business person, so that you could call me at this time.  I need to know because I need to go and punch them. Right now.”
“No sir, your name came up on a list of key business people… er… in your area.”
“And what area is that?”
“Pardon sir?  It's YOUR area…”
“Yes but if you tell me I have been identified as a key business person in my area  then you should know what area that is… surely?”
“Do you not know where you live sir?”
“I do.  But you clearly don't. Anyway the answer to your earlier question is yes.”
“Oh, so you wish to invest in one of our portfolios?”
“No.  I mean YES  you have got me at a bad time. But NO, I don't want to invest in anything.  Good night  where-ever you are!”
CLICK
“Good - day  sir. How - are - you?”
“Er fine thankyou.  Who is calling?”
“My  name - is - Sum  - Wat - Hannoying, - and - I'm - calling - from  Sumin - Tan Jibell - place - in  - Hong  - Kong, - following - up - on - my - colleague's - call - to - you a - few - days -ago.”
“Look, I know I'm in Africa, but English is my first language  so you can speak normally.  PLEASE speak normally!”
“Thank you sir.  As I was saying, my colleague mentioned that you were ready to sign up for investment in our portfolio, and that I should just sort out the finer details… Could I have your full name and credit card number please?”
“I'm afraid not.  Sorry to say this but I think your colleague may have misunderstood me during the last call.  It was at three in the morning, so apologies if I was a little vague.  Perhaps 'I don't want to invest in anything' could have been misinterpreted as 'Yes I'd love to invest in your portfolio.' ? But let me correct my obvious mistake by telling you now:-  NO I AM DEFINITELY NOT INTERESTED! PLEASE GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE! Does that clear things up?”
“I see sir, well I must admit I'm sensing a bit of hesitation in your voice regarding your investment, perhaps I can put your mind at ease.  You see I have inside information regarding the American Stock Exchange that is extremely hot at the moment  so hot in fact that you won't find it on any website or in any financial paper.  It looks like the return is going to be incredibly high, and well worth your while.  The investment levels are tiered to suit your account,.  Were you thinking of joining as a business or as an individual?”
“Actually I WASN'T THINKING OF JOINING AT ALL. Sigh.  Look, the truth is, if you have to know, I have no money to invest.   Nothing. Zip. Zero. So you really are wasting your time here.  Thank you SO MUCH anyway for thinking of me as a key business person, and for somehow believing that I have any form of money to invest, but as I may have mentioned earlier I am not interested in, nor can I  afford, to invest in your portfolio, no matter how good an idea it might be.”
“Well I'm glad you agree that it would be a good idea sir.  But correct me if I am wrong  what you are saying is that you are a little nervous about potential bad investment, and you don't want to lose your savings on something that's not definite.  Well sir, once again, may I allay your fears.  This will undoubtedly bring you at least a 50% return and, let me tell you I'm putting our reputation on the line here,  I can GUARANTEE that you will not lose money.  I can GIVE YOU MY WORD.  Now what other company would be able to provide such solid assurances?”
“Well if you are prepared to give your word I don't know how anyone could resist. But be that as it may, I cannot take part. Perhaps I need to draw you a mental diagram.  Are you holding a pen?”
“Yes sir,”
“Please put it down.  Ok, now tell me, what is in your hand?”
“Nothing sir,”
“Right.  Now imagine your hand is my bank account.  Do you get the idea?”
“Ah sir, I see…. What I'm hearing is that to start off with you would like to enter at the lower end, until you see some reasonable return, then and only then you may be prepared to increase your investment?  Well the good news is sir that we have allowed for exactly that in our Silver Partner agreement.  It kicks off with a small investment of anything between 10 000 dollars and 50 000 dollars and I'm sure you will find that it no ti….”
“Sorry to interrupt, but what was your name again?”
“Sum Wat.  Sum Wat Hannoying, but…”
 “Ok Sum Wat.  Would you mind awfully keeping your mouth shut, just for a few seconds so that I can draw you another mental picture?”
“That's fine sir, we pride ourselves on answering the needs of our custome…”
“Shut up Sum Wat.  Thank you. Right, now pick up your pen again.  Are you holding it?”
“Er yes sir,”
“Have you got some paper in front of you?”
“uh huh,”
“Good. Now write down the letters N and O a few times, just so you get the hang of it.  Perhaps even do it once or twice with your eyes closed, got it?”
“Yes Sir, but I…”
“Ok. Next, place the sharp end of your pen into your ear -  not the one near the phone, because I need to instruct you a bit more - then push it in as far as possible. Now see if you can write the same letters on your eardrum. Can you do that?”
“No sir,”
“Yes that's right.  Write NO.  ”
“Er No sir, I can't do that. It hurts.”
“Keep trying.  Push harder if you need to.”
“Sir, I think I have to go now… er… my boss is calling me…”
“That's fine. But Sum Wat - will you do me a favour?”
“Yes sir?”
“Will you cross me off the list of Key Business People in the area?”
“Most definitely sir, I'll tick the box that says “Client uncertain.”